Toddler Co-Sleeping
QUESTION:
My 18 month old daughter who will be 19 months on the 23rd of this month is refusing to sleep in her cot and insists on sleeping on our bed. It started a little while ago and was only the night time sleep but now its for her day nap as well.
When I put her down in her cot she immediately stands up and screams and cries and gets herself into such a state saying doedoe and pointing to our room that I give in to her and put her on our bed. Where she gladly goes to sleep on our bed even without us lying there. After leaving her there to fall asleep I then I put her down in her cot where she will sometimes sleep thru until 5ish where we put her in bed with us for an extra hours sleep or she wakes between 12 and 1 and cries and insists on sleeping in our bed.
She has had a slight cold the past few days which I'm thinking is the cause but just need advise as to if this doesn't stop when she is better?
She still has a dummy when she goes down, with a nightlight and a sleep sheep with white noise in her cot.
Please advise what I should do?
ANSWER:
Interestingly many toddlers suddenly start insisting on co-sleeping when previously they were happy in their own bed. It is related to their age and sudden ability to assert their preference about anything in life. This may be frustrating for you and should be handled as follows:
- Decide if co-sleeping is something you want to stop. If the situation is working for you as you describe it and is only resulting in one or less night wakings, you could actually leave it as is. If however it is an issue you need to do the following.
- To break the little habit she is developing, you need to instil boundaries at sleep time by doing the following ABC:
Acknowledge her desire to fall asleep in your bed by saying "I know you want to sleep in mommy's bed"
Boundary setting - set a clear boundary for her with a concrete reason, for example: "You can't go to sleep in my bed because Daddy is very big and tired and he needs to sleep there now"
Choice - offer a clear choice and consequence: "You can go to sleep in your cot and mommy will sit with you until you are asleep OR you can sleep on your own in your cot"
Thereafter, you need to be consistent and follow through properly. Sit with her the first three nights until she learns to settle on her own in her cot again. There will be some tears as she adjusts to the new boundary but with calm, caring consistency you will get it right.