Back to: Peaceful Nights » 12 - 18 Months
Toddler Roaming
| Q: | I was very excited to receive the Baby Sense newsletter this month as your article on Toddler Roaming is just what I needed. I have a baby girl who will be 3 in December and over the recent months have began experiencing extreme difficulties in getting her to stay in bed and sleep. I have followed the Baby Sense guide and am now working through the Toddler Sense and firmly believe that it has made all the difference in raising my child thus far! I am so desperate now – I have read article after article, swapped advice with other parents and just cannot come right with this sleep issue – please bear with me on this long email as I feel I need to explain my experience in full in the hope that you or one of your colleagues will be able to help me. I have always had problems with putting Liliana to sleep but after following the controlled crying technique explained in Baby Sense, life definitely improved right up until about 4 months ago. I transferred Liliana to a bed just before she turned 2, at that time, she was still sleeping in the sleeping bag so getting out of bed was not an issue. As January approached and the weather warmed I removed the sleeping bag and I still had no issue. Our routine was dinner at 5pm, soothing bath at 6.30pm, in bed by 7. We would then cuddle and read a story, she had a doll which we asked about her day, said good night to, a song would be sung, prayers said then I would put on a musical night light which would automatically turn off after 5 minutes and Liliana would be asleep. Then the one doll turned into 5, which we had to ask each one about their day, the little black bike had to have its own bed on the continental cushion with a blanket and her dad bought her a necklace which also had to be with the dolls, and the same routine was followed as mentioned before. Then one night she appeared in the lounge before the night light went out, I told her that her that if she didn’t stay in bed I would remove the dolls. That lasted a few weeks, then when she kept appearing I actually had to remove the dolls, once she was quite, I would put the dolls back and we had peace for a few more weeks. Suddenly that didn’t work anymore and I had nothing more with which to bargain. At the same time that this getting out of bed started, she suddenly started getting into my bed at about 4am – it was the beginning of winter and at 4am she did feel cold so I thought what’s the harm – she is probably cold (yes, I know that has been my huge downfall). When removing the dolls didn’t work, my husband and I took turns returning her to bed, threatening with a hiding, which worked for a few nights, then suddenly we had to make good on the threats – after 2 nights of this I said no, I can’t have my child going to bed upset so I decided to follow Dr Green’s Rope Trick. I would follow the normal routine and told her that I would put the rope on the door if she appeared, which I had to do at least once a night. After 2 weeks, still no joy and I had to end up putting the rope on the door 3 times – so that told me it wasn’t working. I had tried sitting with her until she fell asleep in the past but when I did that, every time she woke up at night, I had to sit with her, which was starting to happen every hour. But as all else failed I tried that again. I couldn’t really do anything else at the time as a week later we would be on holiday. While on holiday for 2 weeks I sat with her every night and said if she played, I would give her to the count of 3 and I would sit up. On holiday, I never had to sit up once, she fell asleep within 10 minutes every night until we got home on Saturday night. Sunday night I lay with her, she fiddled, I counted to 3, sat up, counted to 3 moved to the end of the bed, counted to 3 moved to the door – she fell asleep I left the room, within minutes of my leaving she was awake and came out of the room. I took her back to bed, explained that I had now been in her room for an hour and now it was time for me to be with daddy and she must go to sleep with her doll (only 1 doll now). She came out again minus her pants and nappy. I put them back on and told her that if she got out of bed again I would close the door (following advise on the article) – she went to sleep, I left the passage light on. I forgot to mention that as the problems continued when putting her to bed, she began to get into my bed earlier and earlier 4am, 3am, 12pm, 10pm. Last night after falling asleep on her own and with the passage light on, she only got into my bed at about 2am. I know I have to put her back into bed but as we just got back from holiday, I thought I would start on working the going to bed issue before proceeding to the putting back to bed issue. Last night I put her into bed at 7pm and she finally fell asleep at 9.45pm. Tonight same thing. I counted to 3 and sat up holding her hand, she fell asleep to the point that I could remove my hand without her flinching, but the moment I left the room she was awake. I spoke nicely saying I had stayed with her until she fell asleep now she must go back to sleep on her own. Within minutes I heard the pants and the nappy come off, I went back put them all back on, she suddenly wanted pooh bear instead of the doll, which I gave her and once again told (and showed her while I was in the room) that I would close the door if she got up again and she has now fallen asleep. However I worry that the threat of the closed door will become reality in a few days time. Reading the article, it says sit with the child, if she gets up then go out and close the door but what happens if she does not get up while you are sitting there??? How do you proceed?? My plan of action was to lie with her and follow my strategy for a week as we have just got back from holiday and tomorrow she goes back to play school for mornings only 5 days a week and I didn’t want to put to much on her at once. Then I thought on the weekend I would start by sitting with her instead of lying, then move to the end of the bed, then the door etc and at the same time start putting her back into bed during the night or letting her sleep on the floor next to me. I know it is going to take time, but I just feel I am missing something. I know each mother is proud of her child but you will not believe this girls vocabulary unless you meet her – she rivals many 4 year olds. She uses words such “instead”, “myself”, “yourself”, her sentence structure is perfect with the usual and, but, if, he, they, she. One day she saw baboons on the road and I told her they were eating fruit and she said to me “of course mom, it is the bear necessities”. The reason why I am telling you this is because she understands so well that sometimes I don’t think normal strategies apply to her and I need something else. I really hope that you can help me as I am desperate for some time alone. I work hard for her and with her all day and at 7pm, I really need that time for my husband and myself and it is torture knowing that I no problems for over a year and now I feel I am back within that first year. Please can you help. I look forward to hearing from you. Kind regards Kerri |
| A: | Dear Kerri, Thanks for your comments on your little ones sleeping patterns. You are basically on track, but please do be more consistent, as I suspect that Liliana is slightly confused with all the mixed messages (making allowances for cold nights, holidays, going to school etc). Set clear bedtime boundaries, and follow the steps as laid out in the article. If you have to sit with her forever because she is actually being quiet and good, but not sleeping yet, then you can start to shorten the period of time you spend sitting with her gradually as the nights go by. Use the fact that she is so bright to your advantage - tell her about her boundary, and what you expect from her, and what the consequences will be. Don't stress about the closed door - that is ultimately what will do the trick! Good luck, Regards, Ann Richardson |