18 Month old wont sleep alone
Q: I am really at my wits end!! My son of 18 months has never learnt to fall asleep by himself, which I know is mostly my fault. When he was smaller, I rocked him to sleep every time he woke up. During the day he was also rocked for his morning and afternoon nap.
When he turned one at the end of November 2008, we decided to try sleep training, as we were getting less than 6 hours sleep a night (interrupted). First we put him in bed with his bottle and a teddy, and lay next to him on the single bed in his room. My husband and I would lie there until he fell asleep, and then leave the room.
As we were rather sleep deprived (he had still been waking 3-4 times a night), we would fall asleep and only leave after about an hour, long after he had fallen asleep.
About 4 months ago, we tried the crying out method described in TODDLER SENSE, but this would only last for 2 days, as he developed a throat infection. A month later we tried again, and again it lasted only 2 days, with a recurring infection. This has now happened 3 times, each time developing into an infection. This has lead my husband and I to believe he cries himself sick (he does suffer from chronic sinusitis, which we have not been able to clear up of find a reason for). He is on homeopathic remedies at the moment, but his sleep pattern has only worsened, with no real improvement.
For the past month, he has also grown very attached to me and cries every morning when I drop him at school. When we get home in the afternoon, he cries and throws a tantrum if I dare leave the room for a split second, after explaining to him where I was going and that I will be right back. According to everyone I have spoken to, and what I have read, this seems to be separation anxiety, but it got worse after the second spell of sleep training.
Last week he started waking up every hour and would scream at the top of his lungs until I went into his room. He would immediately calm down and lie down, closing his eyes (same as when we tried sleep training). I would sit with him a few minutes, and then try to leave the room. As soon as I move only slightly, he would pop up and start crying again!! I now have to sleep with him in his room on the single bed, just so everyone in the house can get some sleep!!
I desperately need some advice on how to get him to fall asleep by himself, as the methods described in your book are clearly not helping (or I am misinterpreting them and applying them wrong!!).
Kind Regards
A: Thank you for your email. It sounds like you are having a tough time with your little one. He has learned the art of manipulation, and you are buying into this because of the fact that he has had a few infections along the way - all quite normal as part of growing up! There is no way that your sleep training has caused any infections, so I want you leave that thought entirely. Obviously, you cannot do sleep training if he is unwell, so you need a clean bill of health before you can start.
Up till now, all he has learned from your sleep training attempts, is that, if he cries long and hard enough, you will eventually give in and lie with him once more.
You have to change the way YOU respond to his behaviour.
Make sure he is well, comfortable and tired enough to need sleep. Then adopt all the sleep training techniques as laid out in the book, the website articles from Baby Sense and take a look at the Toddler Sense Website too, www.toddlersense.co.za. Deworm him, and put him onto an iron supplement in the morning and a magnesium supplement at bedtime (floradix is a good brand to use, they make both an iron supplement and a magnesium supplement). He is going through completely normal 18 month separation anxiety, so don't worry that this is any cause for concern - it will pass and he will get over it, as long as you do not convey any anxiety around the issue to feed the separation anxiety! Do perservere, it will be well worth it, and remember it is all about the way YOU respond to the behaviour that will make all the difference.
Best wishes, Ann