Toddler issues
ANTOINETTE:
Hi Meg
I am having some issues with Thomas (3). He is such a devine little guy but is giving us a bit of a hard time at the moment. He seems to be stuck between wanting to be a “Big Boy” and wanting to stay my baby. He is so proud of all the things he can do because he is big, but he still wants me to do things for him, things I know he should be doing on his own.
He can also be quite difficult to manage, which is unusual for him. Bedtime is often battle time where we have loads of tears and fighting. He uses every delay tactic in the book and can be totally over excited by this time of day. He is also in the habit of being negative. He often says “I don’t like…” or tells me “NO” when I ask him to do something. He really digs his heels in and is determined to get his own way. What battles do I let him win and what should stand my ground on?
One other problem is that he doesnt eat at meal times. As with most things these days, getting him to do anything, but especially to eat even 5 bites of food, I am resorting to giving stickers, rewards and treats. Am I doing the right thing? He eats a good meal at playschool each day, but pretty much refuses his meals at home. Could it be he is just not hungry?
Meg, what are your thoughts?
Hi,
This sounds like you are describing my 3 year old Kael - down to the dotted i;’s and crossed t’s! I myself am tearing my hair out and would love to handle this phase better.
Just having read your entry already makes me feel better as it must be a common topic for discussion for many parents of 3 year olds.
I also have an added complication. We were attacked in our home while we were sleeping 5 monyhs ago. Both my husband and I were shot and fortunately Kael was unharmed sleeping in his own bed next to ours. 5 Months later we are living with my parents prior to emmigrating to Australia and he refuses to sleep with me (may trigger the event too much), refuses to sleep in his own bed and only wants to sleep in gran and grandpa’s bed.
We really want him to sleep in his own bed again as a first step to moving to his own room. Emotionally this little boy has been through so much, his father nearly dying, moving from his home and school, his sister being born, has dad away from home to set up in Australia and the impending move away from all he knows.
My question is should i just allow him to co-sleep with my parents until we go or should I start with sleep training all over again? His fears of “skelms” are very real for him and I’m not sure how much to push for his independence again. While I have reassured him each night his fear is real and he becomes really anxious if left alone or if he wakes to find himself in his own bed.
Any thoughts?
Marilyn and Nette, both of your experiences are totally normal in that toddlers really know how to play us.
Marilyn, your experience takes this all a little further because Kael has experienced so many traumas. You are very tuned in to him though and have identified many of his stressors. I am sure you sought councelling and would say that is very important for you and your kids.
With regards to his sleeping, I think you need to move him from his granny’s bed because more trauma will be experienced when he moves from her to Aus. If he has his own room, granny or you can sit with him until he is asleep. Once this is working with him staying in his bed, try leave the room for a few minutes and then go back to him. Don’t push it too far in terms of separation as this will stress him. If he wakes at night and wants granny, make a little bed for him next to granny’s bed - on the floor and let him sleep there so he is in a transition space and not totally dependant on her. Don’t be too rigid with him though and make allowances. A nice idea you will find in Sleep Sense is to fill a spray bottle with water and have it next to his bed to spray away the ’skelms’ he experiences at night.
Finally I am so sorry for your trauma. This should not happen to us and certainly not to children.
Hi,
I seem to have skipped the terrible 2’s and have hit the terrible 3’s.My daughter is 3 weeks old and these have been the hardest 3 weeks of my life.Connor (3 years) has stopped listening,is so much hard work-i feel like i am going crazy.Really batteling to put Courtney down in a peaceful environment as he keeps coming into her room,crying,putting light on etc.Thought i should put him in playgroup (he has been at home with me till now) but am told this is a bad idea-anyone got any advice????