Sisterhood of Motherhood
The Baby Sense blog

Happy New year to everyone.  I hope everyone enjoyed the festive season.  I took my decorations down yesterday and the house seems strange.  After all that tinsel, lighting and colour it feels odd to be getting back to normal.  What does 2011 hold?  I feel adventure, fun and success in the air.  Here’s to a great year ahead. 

There is no greater adventure than parenting and if you have due to have a baby or are planning one for this year Baby Sense wants to be part of your journey.  Visit www.babysense.com/articles for tips and advice on how to ensure your baby has happy days and peaceful nights.  Make sure you treat your baby to the most beautiful baby products around by visiting www.babysense.com and browse our range of books, CD’s, Sleeping bags, Swaddle blankets, Taglets and lots more.

In making my new years resolutions I realised that out of 5 resolutions I made 4 were about what Iwould do for or with my kids.  It’s funny how as parents your focus changes and nothing becomes your own anymore.  I do miss the freedom of life BC (before children), where my money was meant to be spent on myelf, my food was my own, and I could drink something without a little person asking me for a sip and leaving it undrinkable. 

I came accross this article on parent24 recently.  http://www.parent24.com/Toddler_1-2/care_nutrition/Do-moms-need-lipstick-20091112.  This sums up the transition of parenthood for me.  It certainly is an adventure and a big change to your life.  But I know that most parents wouldn’t change it for the world.

What were your pre and post children top things?

Are you in the lovely warm weather of South Africa?  Or perhaps some other southern country.  Get outside and play.  A wonderful fun activity for children of all ages is corn starch.  Get a tray, sprinkle with cornstarch and slowly add water.  You can even add food colouring to make it more interesting.  Get the corn start to a sticky goo consistency and let your baby and toddlers get their hand stuck in.  They love to squeeze it, mush it and then as it dries pick it off their fingers.  Great fun.  But warning… very very very messy.

Looking for something tactile that you can do indoors in the colder weather?  Cook a small amount of pasta and wait for it to go cold.  Add a touch of oil and let your baby loose.  Spagetti works best.  This is just as tactile and exciting for your baby as the cornstarch, but a little less messy.  Watch as your baby enjoys the sensation of squish and squeeze.

What are you up to this festive season?  I am in the UK enjoying the snow today, while I know Megan is in sunny Cape Town enjoying the sunshine and preparing for the holidays ahead.  It feels like we are worlds apart having such different weather and experiences with our children.  For December I will be posting a fun activity every for you to try with your babies and toddlers.  I will try and add something for the warm weather and something for the cold.  Please feel free to add your ideas, or extend mine.  Leave us a comment and the best idea this month will win a Lala CD.

So for today - If you are in the cold or snow dress up warm and get outside.  Snow is a tactile experience that many of us don’t get very often.  It blocks out colour and light, dampens sound and its freezing cold.  Make snow angels, hear it crunch when you walk and just enjoy.  Plus a little warm milk or a hot chocolate afterwards is a real treat. 

If you are in the sun today do as I suggested to one mom on our facebook page today.  Get a bucket of water and some paint brushes.  Let your little one paint the house with the water.  Swimming cozy on!

Enjoy.

Hi Ladies

Thank you for your lovely responses to my question about supporting a friend of mine who I suspect may have Post Natal Depression.  Thanks to you I felt I could bring it up with her.  Her husband is pleased that someone else - an outsider - also noticed and that she knows she has other support.  It really was your responses that gave me the confidence to know that I was not going to make her feel ashamed.  I hope I approached the subject sensitively. 

My friend has now been to visit her GP and she will now be monitored more closely by her health visitor.  I did not enquire further about her treatment, but I am pleased to know that it will now be professionally managed.

This experience just demonstrated to me that Motherhood really is a Sisterhood.  Even as strangers we can support each other and give strength to each other in person, across the internet and airwaves.  Motherhood changes us… it brings women closer to other women.

I have a friend who recently had a baby.  She become very withdrawn and when I do see her out and about in town she seems to be avoiding people.  I am unsure how to support her.  I have been around to her house, knowing that she is in, but she wont open the door to visitors.  Does anyone else feel the same?  Or do you have a friend you are worried about? Has anyone else suffered with Post Natal Depression that could tell me what it is like and how you coped with it?

I have looked back at an article we featured on post natal depression a few months ago - http://www.babysense.com/articles/post-natal-depression/ - how could I get her to read it without her feeling like I am prying or me feeling I am embarrasing her.

Suggestions greatly appreciated.

This weekend I spent doing a big clear out.  We are talking about how we cope on our Blog this month once number 2 comes along.  With my big clear out I came accross all the baby things in our loft.  Cot, infant car seat, mobile, blankets, bottle warmers, steraliser - you name it it was there.  I really need to hand this stuff on to someone else, but it got me thinking about the possibility of having number 3.  How would I cope?  What would it cost? Did I want another baby? 

I would be interested to hear from mums who have more than 2 children.  What is it like when your family grows even more.  Does number 3 just slot in to your life or is it a really big adjustment?

Dear Baby Sense Parents

For Baby Sense, the well-being of your baby is our prime concern. You trust Baby Sense to deliver effective and quality solutions. Each product we design is carefully developed and manufactured to ensure that our quality remains dependable and our brand trusted. Your feedback in this regard is highly appreciated and contributes to Baby Sense’s success.

While monitoring quality, I have discovered a batch of Taglets that does not meet our standards. The satin ribbon tags on some of the Taglets that have reached the market are coming loose. For this reason we have taken the responsible decision to recall all Taglets that fall short of our high standards and replace them with Taglets that do meet our stringent controls.

If you have bought or been given a Taglet since June 2010 please test it. To do so, pull at each satin ribbon with moderate force to see whether the satin tag gets dislodged. If the tag feels loose in anyway, please contact our Help Desk at 021 945 3881 or products@babysense.co.za and we will gladly advise you on how to go about getting your Taglet replaced.

We would like to take the opportunity to apologise for the inconvenience this causes and appreciate your understanding. We are taking this seriously in line with our commitment to ensuring that all our products adhere to the highest quality standards. This commitment to quality is in line with our dedication to you and is what you have come to expect from Baby Sense.

Yours faithfully

Megan Faure
Baby Sense

We all remember what it was like having a baby.  It was painful and difficult.  We remember the early sleepless days that became a blur of feeding, nappy changing, lack of sleep and baby brain!  Yet for some reason many of us decide on having more children.  Do we forget what it was like?  Now only we have a toddler to look after also.  

We listened to you last month.  Many of your facebook comments were along the lines of discussing 2nd or third babies, and how on earth to cope with this.  Lets chat about that this month.  Let us know your worries, thoughts, comments and words of wisdom.

Baby Sense has a super article on when to have your second baby:

http://www.babysense.com/articles/time-for-number-2/

 I wish I was told that pregnancy can be  seriously painful and uncomfortable every day.  I was expecting it to be all about a belly and fun… man did I have a shock!

The one thing I wish I was told about labour and delivery is how excruciating labour pain are, especially when you have front to back labour. Also that even though you are offered all these pain drugs there is a chance that none of them will work.

The one thing I wish I was told about being a new mum is that no matter how busy you are and how much you seem to do, you still never seem to  get anything done… being a new mum is so tiring but so amazing and worth every minute.

Being a new parent - I REALLY wish someone had of warned me that breast feeding doesn’t always come naturally to mum or baby, and that it isn’t always for everyone, for some people it just isn’t meant to be…..

Though the main thing is that no one ever told me how much you could love someone so small, even though you’ve only just met them!!! They truly are little miracles and are worth all the pains and more!!!! 

Oh the nipples! I had no idea it would hurt so much when breast feeding. Also the clarity with which my baby looked at me, it was like he could see right through me, there was no hiding anything from this little soul.  I couldn’t get over how much cr** you have to take everywhere, there is no just jumping in the car and ducking out, it becomes like a giant adventure! I used to keep a packed nappy bag in the car and spare nappies and other needs in the basket under the pram.

The differences between babies is something thing Iwasnt quite prepared for. My son and daughter are so polar opposites from each other.

Liz McEvoy, full time mother, occasional bookkeepr, sometimes wife and once-upon-a-time party girl sent Baby Sense a list she put together after having her baby.  She posted a comment online asking what mums wished they had been told but werent and the response she got was amazing.  Here are 20 things that mums like you wish they had been told:

 It DOES hurt to wipe “down there” when you do a wee after giving birth.  A squirt bottle or cup with warm water in it helps in that area.  Just sort of pour over and pat dry. 

After I had my 2nd child, the afterbirth pains were terrible!  It felt like I was in labour again.  I am strict with taking medication and refused to take pain killers for it….but finally I was begging them for something!  Nobody told me about that!

Breastfeeding will hurt even if you ARE doing it right!  Your nipples are sensitive and there’s someone sucking on them all the time.  Lanolin cream is fantastic.

Nobody told me that the worst part of labour delivery was the contractions.  Pushing the baby out isn’t that bad!  In fact, when you start pushing the contractions change and they aren’t as painful.  A pleasant surprise! 

The AMAZING sensation of relief when the baby comes out.  Truly a unique experience.  I guess it’s part of the reason I didn’t go for the epidural after having my 1st.

I wish someone had told me that not all birth experiences are awful and super long so I didn’t worry my entire pregnancy about the labour.

I wish someone had told me day 2/3 after the birth can be really low. I cried almost the entire day even though I was so happy to have Annie, it’s just the hormones and there is nothing wrong with you (as long as it doesn’t last).

The thing that sticks out most from my experience is just how much it hurts when the baby’s head crowns. I could handle the pain from the contractions and actually pushing him out, but no one told me it would feel like someone stuck the hot plate from the stove on me. Lucky it doesn’t last that long, the quicker you can push past that bit the better.

I wish someone had told me that you will waste so much time just staring at your baby… and that it’s perfectly ok.  You cannot spoil a new born, regardless of what your mother or grandmother tells you.

I wish someone had been able to make me really understand (because they did tell me just how fast the first year goes…I cannot believe Xave is 13 months already.

I wish someone had told me that midwives are NOT breastfeeding experts, if you are having trouble PLEASE ask to see a lactation consultant… or call the ABA.  There are answers and help, you just have to ask

I wish someone told me that months after deliver I would still feel phantom kicks, and find myself absently rubbing my belly as if there was still a baby in there.

For some reason (maybe just luck I don’t know) I never got the burning sensation, the midwife said to me shortly you will feel burning and you just need to push past it but it never came for me…. But I do think the contractions hurt more than the baby actually coming out… Also the breastfeeding, yes it does hurt for a while and another product that I thought was great is Lansinoh, it doesn’t have to be wiped off before feeding either which is good. Not only feeding but the engorgement feeling and also the let down especially when you hear a baby cry or something it can be painful sometimes… People mentioned these things to me but never really said it can be painful…. BUT the feeling when your boobs are empty after feeding is GREAT such a relief sometimes.  One really good thing that people did tell me though is that when in labour do whatever works for you and try not to go in scared… I was never scared about labour or birth (I was looking forward to it actually) and I honestly believe that it helped…. No it’s not always pleasant but it’s also a great thing.

The after pains you experience after labour!  They are really painful-even worse than contractions and happen when you are breastfeeding. They only last a few days though.

The blues you experience when your milk comes in.   People warned me about them after I had Marley but I didn’t think I was going to get them until day 4 sitting in my lounge with a house full of visitors wanting to burst into tears for absolutely no reason! It is completely normal though and will only last a few days.  And no matter what anyone says and how many people tell you, NOTHING will prepare you for the absolute lack of sleep and how much this little person will completely take over your life.

Breast feeding - I was not aware just how hard it really is. It’s hard work to get your baby attaching right and the stress that comes with it.

Mother-Guilt - Guilt takes on a whole new meaning when you’re a mum. From c/s to natural birth, bottle feeding instead of breast feeding, disposables instead of cloth, dummy or no dummy, missing tired signs etc In the end you do realise that happy mummy = happy baby and really there is no difference between breast and bottle etc.

The biggest one for me was how much I would enjoy the company of my children. From very early on I LOVED spending time with them and now that my baby is 20mths he is such great company. Who would have thought I would enjoy playing in a sandpit or with a toy truck so much! I was never a big ‘kids’ person, but now mine are my absolute favourite people!

Breastfeeding is so much harder than I thought and I had a really hard time with Gaby not attaching. After 4 days of tears and loads of screaming from her we switched to expressing my milk and bottling feeding her. No one told me this would be an option as you always hear about switching to formula. The midwife suggested this at 3am one morning when I was in tears and Gaby was very hungry. Once I gave her the bottle she was so calm and happy which made me calm and happy. From that moment I knew this was the best thing for us. Unfortunately breast feeding doesn’t come easy and can be very hard for both mum and baby.

The other thing I knew was coming, but didn’t realise the impact was the lack of sleep. Wow the first few weeks were very hard. Silly me thought baby would eat then sleep for 3 hours, um no that wasn’t the case. What I wasn’t told was that your baby may cry and cry for an hour before you can get her to sleep then she wakes up just as you are dozing off and you have to get up and resettle her. This can go on for hours. Just be prepared that it may not be smooth sailing and get as much support as you can from your partner, especially if they have some time off. My husband and I took turns (or as we called it took shifts!) in getting up to her so I could get at least 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep which by the way is very good.  I hope this hasn’t put you off or worried you, maybe this is why no one talks about these issues!!! At the end of the day it’s all worth it!

Thanks Liz for your fantastic list.  Watch our Blog for the rest of September for more posts on what no one tells you. 

Also, post your own comment and let us know what you wish you had been told.