Sisterhood of Motherhood
The Baby Sense blog

I am a mother three times over. It has been the journey of my life. Nobody told me that it would be so hard and so amazing, so tender and so harsh. You want to know about my ups and downs? Where do I being, one moment holds elation and the next despair and as my three get older, the ups and downs are just taller.

I wanted to breastfeed my babies more than anything, for me it would mean I was a good mummy. But it really was one of my biggest downers. I battled to get started and even once my milk came in it really hurt when the milk flowed. I recall well sitting feeding with tears dropping off my cheeks onto my baby’s cheek. But I did get it right and I loved it in the end. Breastfeeding has its ups and downs.

Midnight feeds were also bittersweet. I loved being alone with my baby, sitting in the dim silence of the house listening to her little nuzzle noises and feeding. I would look out the window as I burped her and think of the lights out there, how many mums are holding a tiny bundle like I am; who is as lucky as me. But months later when I was up for the sixth time that night I would resentfully drag myself to my crying baby, just as I had fallen asleep. Night wakings have their ups and downs!

My three babies, you make me vulnerable, I feel insecure with many decisions and I occasionally even resent the way you bring out the maternal guilt in me but in every moment I adore you. You are more precious and have added more to my life than I can say. Bitter-sweet; ups and downs – you are my rocking-rolling journey and I love being your mum.