ITV Program - My child wont sleep
Did anyone else in the UK see the program “My Child Wont Sleep” on ITV last night? It was a really interesting program about 3 families whose children suffer with severe sleep disorders. The 3 children featured were a sleep walker, a boy with Narcolepsy and a 6 year old who was sleeping for only 3 hours each night. In each case the parents and the child was terribly sleep deprived and you could see the strain that this was placing on each family as a whole.
I thought it was tough going just getting up for my toddler once or twice each night, but to see what these families were going through was quite something. It is amazing though, that going through all of that life just seemed to carry on and through a sleepy fog they somehow coped.
I would be interested to hear from anyone else who saw the program.
Anthropologically speaking, children aren’t meant to sleep alone - sleeping alone was unsafe and could have meant certain death back in the days when we were ‘uncivilised’. One of the main reasons a baby/child who is left alone cries, is to alert other humans to it’s highly vulnerable state so they will come along and rescue it, because the only reason a baby/young child would have been left alone is if it had been abandoned or it’s parents had died. Our technological society might have evolved beyond this now, but our babies (who rely purely on their instincts for survival) haven’t. So the simplest and most obvious solution to sleep problems, is to stay with a baby or young child until they fall asleep. Laying down next to them and pretending to sleep yourself will send the clear message to them that now it is time to sleep. If a child has learned to feel unsafe at bedtime (perhaps through techniques such as controlled crying or crying-it-out), this method may take longer to work. But 15-30 minutes of gentle snuggle time with a child is a much kinder way to get them to fall asleep than trying to train them (and possibly causing neurological damage), and is much more sympathetic to their biological need for dependence at point in their development. Dr Margot Sunderland has done brain research on how less sympathetic styles of parenting can cause neurological damage to young children, leading to aggression, depression and even autism. Her book “What Every Parent Needs to Know” is full of information on how to parent a child that works WITH their brain development rather than against it.
Hi Arlette
Thank you for your response. It is so interesting when you look into anthropological reasons for why we behave in certain ways today. You are right, babies do cry for a reason and it is interesting to know that babies cry at such a pitch that causes a stress response in us as parents. This is so that we will do something about it. That is why leaving our babies to cry it out feels so unnatural and often distressing.
Many families around the world still co sleep with their children due to culture or financial circumstances. There is evidence to suggest that co-sleeping helps babies to regulate their body temperature and breating as well as helps the baby to feel secure. It is also convenient for feeding during the night. There are some guidelines though to ensure that co sleeping is safe for your baby which are outlined in this article on co-sleeping.
http://www.mybabysense.co.uk/peaceful-nights/articles-of-interest/co-sleeping
Trying to get your baby to settle to sleep is often a challenge for parents. Sleep sense covers some gentle sleep coaching techniques where you stay with your baby and respond to their cries in an appropriate way. This article by Megan Faure outlines some gentle sleep coaching techniques.
http://www.mybabysense.co.uk/peaceful-nights/articles-of-interest/gentle-sleep-training
You mentioned Margot Sunderland’s books. They really are excellent and she is a real expert in her field.
I didn’t see the program but I am a desperate Mom. Our daughter is now 4 years and 5 months old and I can count on one hand the number of nights she has slept through since birth. We have tried EVERYTHING from books to sleep specialists and NOTHING has worked. We even got so desperate that when her pead suggested medication we tried it, well that was a disaster as it had the opposite effect.
She has gotten better in the last few months and varies from waking once a night to three to four times but it is still exhausting and you cannot imagine how sleep deprived I am. It is severely affecting us as a family and I am desperate for any help anyone can offer. In all other aspects she is well ahead of her peers and has reached all her milestones “early” if there is such a thing.
The only other issue we have is that she still wears nappies at night despite having potty trained herself at 18 months and it is very distressing for her as she is desperate to wear panites at night. The pead has suggested that she is not dry at night because she isn’t sleeping through and that her body is not producing the correct hormones to suppress urine at night. Any thoughts on that.
Thank you ladies, I am hoping some clever mommy out there has some answers for us.
Hi Angela
Please email me and let me know where you live. I would like to try to put you in touch with either Ann or Megan for a consultation. Email me on antoinette@babysense.com and we can chat further from there.
In the meantime try these articles:
http://www.mybabysense.co.uk/peaceful-nights/articles-of-interest/gentle-sleep-training
http://www.mybabysense.co.uk/peaceful-nights/articles-of-interest/toddler-roaming-at-night
Also, Get your hands on Sleep Sense if you dont already have a copy and look at http://www.toddlersense.co.za for futher ideas on toddlers and sleep.