Sisterhood of Motherhood
The Baby Sense blog

ANTOINETTE

Thank you for your advice on Dan and his illness.  He is doing much better now, but we had some hairy nights.  For 5 nights in a row Dan did not sleep for longer than 1 hour at a stretch, sometimes waking twice within an hour.  He just could not settle and would scream and scream.  I was up every night with him, soothing, rocking, white noise, cuddling, holding.  I tried everything to soothe him and nothing seemed to work.  In the back of my mind I knew he had been ill and was just tolerating it all.  On Friday night though I reached a point that I never thought I would.  This was night 5 of no longer than 1 hours sleep.  Dan woke at 12 am and cried and screamed on and off for 4 hours.  I became more and more upset and then became so angry.  I had reached the end of my patience and held him up and was on the verge of shaking him.  I never thought I would reach this point.  I shocked myself.  With every ounce of my strenght I calmly put him in his cot, gave him a kiss and left the room.  I closed the door, listened to him scream, had a cry myself and then went to wake my husband.  “Take over.  I am scared I am going to hurt him” I said as I flopped into bed. 

 Grant took over and within 20 minutes Dan was asleep.  Today I am still upset with myself for reaching that point where I “could have”, but thankfully I didn’t. The last 2 nights have been absolutely fine.  Dan slept his normal hours and fed when he usually does.  He must have been feeling terrible to have screamed all night like that.   

MEG

I have built our Baby Sense company over the past three years with a lot of hard work. But I have not been alone. My right hand is a very special person, Liesbet. She has the biggest heart and the brightest brain and it is due to her vigilance that I can sleep with few worries at night. Yesterday, April 12th, Liesbet and Alwyn welcomed their precious first baby, Mari to the world. I saw her today and I have to say she is exquisite. Black hair, long fingers and perfect little rose bud lips. Precious baby, we welcome you and may you bless your wonderful mommy!

ANTOINETTE

Oh my gosh, what happy news.  A big welcome to Mari and congratulations to Liesbet and Alwyn.   

Antoinette:

Meg, can you help?  Daniel (6 months) has just had the most awful tummy bug.  Projectile vomiting and terrible diarrhoea.  For 5 days this poor child could keep nothing down and nothing in.  For the last 2 days his nappies were dry.  Thankfully yesterday and today he seemed to have recovered and is taking about 1/2 his milk again and some food.  My question is this.  We had different advice from different people.  If it happens again I still don’t know which advice I should follow.  Both our moms told us to stop giving him milk, the pharmasist gave us a replacement milk product (it did not help), NHS direct said to feed him as normal, and the doctor on call said to stop feeding him altogether and just give replacement fluids until he had a wet nappy and then to introduce milk and solids slowly after that. 

Over the weekend we followed the Doctors advice but this was extremely difficult.  I just have to feed my baby.  That is what I am supposed to do as a mother.  Being told not to feed him went against all of my emotions.  What would you have done?

Also, do you think it is a good idea to try something that will build his immune system? 

MEG

A sick baby is so nerve wracking! Diarrhea is particularly worrying as babies dehydrate very quickly. Rule of thumb is that you must get in as much as comes out. So for every vomit or diarrhea stool, you should offer a drink of water or milk if the feed is due. Don’t stop feeding your baby - as your gut showed you, you can’t simply stop feeding your baby. If, however, the diarrhea continues for a few meeks once Dan is well, you may find he has developed a temporary lactose intolerance. This can happen after a tummy bug.  In this case, change the formula to a lactose free or soya formaul for a period of time until the tummy settles.

As far as a boost for his immune system. A good multi vit is a good idea, however some doctors may advise you boost Dan’s immunity further with a course of Gamma globulin injections. I would ask your doctor his advice, if Dan is consistently sick. 

MEG

I heard a great term today from a patient. They were telling me about their baby who was coming into their bed every night. The Mom said to the Dad: “What time did she come camping last night?” I was confused and they laughed as they explained that that was their term for her hopping into bed with them. My friend Lorna calls it ‘Podging’ when her boys come sleep next to her bed - I love that term too. So many babies and toddlers do this and the question I am often asked is what is normal and what is okay. The truth is anything is fine, if it suits your family. As far as patterns go, my experience is that toddlers between three and four years old very often need a bit of reassurance and do well if they can ‘camp’ on Mom’s floor. Emily (nearly 3) started this about a month ago. At about four in the morning, she calls out and needs the reassurance of ‘podging’ on a matress on the floor next to our bed. In fact all three of my kids have done it for a few months around their third birthdays - who knows why it is then. So tomorrow morning if you are up at four am - I am probably too, hauling Em’s bedding down the passage!

ANTOINETTE:

 Hi Meg

Thomas (3) used to come “camping” with us too.  It seemed to have stopped for now, but he used to crawl into bed with us almost every morning at around 4 am.  We have no space in our bedroom for a matress on the floor, so he had to climb in with us.  Needless to say, I cannot sleep with someone touching me, and he was getting into bed for a cuddle.  He would fall asleep and I would lie awake cursing the fact that he had woken me, but loving every moment of my cuddle - I know those wont last forever.  Or as he got older he would do the classic “sleeping sideways” in the bed, so I would end up with either a knee, elbow or foot in my back.  As I said, it seems to have stopped for now, but occasionally I wake up to find him asleep on the scatter cushions off our bed that are on the floor.  Perhaps he could not wake me enough to make space for him.  I will be thinking of you at 4am tomorrow morning as I will probably be awake too with Daniel (6 months).  Just as we get one child sorted with sleep, the next one came along.

ANTOINETTE: 

We have just been on holiday to visit our families in South Africa.  As I live abroad (in the UK) we have no family support nearby.  We just cope and do everything ourselves.  Whatever comes our way we deal with as our own little family unit.  Having now spent 3 weeks surrounded by family we realise how much we miss in terms of their support.  My mom took Daniel (6 months) for 3 nights.  He still wakes at least twice during the night and I have not had a full nights sleep since before he was born.  I can’t believe how different I feel after even just 1 full nights sleep.  Also, just popping out to the shops or even just getting something done, when Granny or Grandpa can look after my little ones.  We also went to a wedding and my cousin took care of our 2 boys for the night.  There was no question that we were leaving them with someone who would love and take care of them as their own.  Family support if you have it nearby is wonderful, but if you don’t have it nearby it is something we miss out on.  Nothing comes close to it. The distance does not matter.  If your family is 200 miles or 2000 miles away - they are still away. 

We are very lucky to have an amazing group of friends.  We are all living abroad, away from our families and so we end up supporting each other.  Many of us have children of our own and understand the trials of living away from home with a young family.  When I joined the Motherhood club I realised what a great support other mothers could be.  Even someone who you have just met.  There is something about mothering that brings people closer together within families but also with strangers. 

MEG:

In South Africa, we have the wonderful support of nannies and maids and it makes a huge differnce, but there is nothing like a mom/ granny.

As you say - the support of our fellow sisters in motherhood is invaluable!

Antoinette:

Over the last 3 weeks I have been weaning Daniel (6 months) from breast to bottle.  It has been 2 weeks of sore, lumpy boobs but I am surprised at how quickly my milk supply is lessening.  I decided to start weaning a few weeks ago when I became very ill.  I could not lift my head off the pillow and felt very resentful that I had to wake up every few hours and feed Daniel, and that I could not just hand him over to my husband and sleep and recover myself.  When you are sick  yourself you realise the sacrifices you make whislt breastfeeding.  Don’t get me wrong … I love breastfeeding my baby, but with a 3 year old and a busy scheduele it has been very time consuming. 

I am now down to my last feed to drop.  Just first thing in the morning feed and I should be able to drop that feed in a few days time.  Already though I feel quite emotional about it as I think Daniel is my last baby and I am so going to miss this bonding time.  Breastfeeding forces you to slow down, to sit and be peaceful, to bond and to fall in love with your baby.  Bottle feeding will be easier for me and my lifestyle, but I shall miss breastfeeding.  I am proud of myself for reaching 6 months, but am beating myself up over the fact that I really should continue.  I was one of the lucky ones where breastfeeding came so naturally - no pain, no fuss, it all just fell into place.  So many moms don’t realise that it doesn’t always come naturally for every one.   

 MEG:

Oh Nette I know exactly how you feel. I fed all three of mine but breastfeeding was not easy for me. I battled to establish a good milk supply and I was never a milk cow. My boobs weren’t made that way. But I fed my babies for six months each through sheer will. Other than the stress of worrying about my milk supply, I loved it. It did slow me down and helped me bond. My last breastfeed for each baby was a very heartsore. Emily’s last feed was my last feed ever and I cried and cried, big tears falling onto her head! Of course she did well on formula and was oblivious to my trauma.

ANTOINETTE:

Got the high chair out this week as I am thinking of starting solids. I want to prepare Dan with a few goes in his high chair. Don’t want to introduce the chair and food at the same time. As soon as it came out the loft Tom shouted - “my high chair” - I can’t believe he remembers it. We haven’t used it with him in over a year. Now Tom has decided he wants to be a baby again. He wants to sit in his high chair, be fed and be spoken to like a baby. He has even climbed into Dan’s cot and insisted he is a baby again. He wants to be such a big boy and do everything himself these days, but he also still wants to be my baby.

MEG:
Nette, I know exactly what you mean. Alex (7) started sucking her thumb again last week. She was always a dummy baby and at 3 years old happily ‘got rid’ of her dummy. She never regressed and I thought I had it all sorted. then along comes Emily- who is the cutest thumb sucker. And suddenly Alex who had never sucked her thumb starts sucking her thumb. I am tearing my hair out. I am not so much worried about her teeth as her jaw is pretty well developed but it looks terrible - this big girl sucking her thumb!

 Toddlers love rhyming stories.  They are easy to follow because they have a rhythm to them and the rhyming draws their attention to sounds in words.  You will find that your toddler will be able to recite rhyming stories more so than other books.  Also look out for books that have repetitive text as this helps with language development. 

Handa’s Surprise - Eileen Browne (Walker Books)We’re Going on a Bear Hunt - Michael Rosen and Helen Oxen bury (Walker Books)The Gruffalo - Julia Donaldson and Alex Scheffler (

 As parents one of the most important skills we strive for our children to learn is literacy.  You can give your child a running start by introducing them to books from early on, even as early as a few weeks old.  As your child grows their interest in books will grow with them, and story time can become a valued time of the day for your child.  It is a time to slow down, relax together and not think of anything else. 

Here are a few essentials to teach children about books:Ÿ         Respect for books - no tearing or drawing in themŸ         Enjoyment of books - show by your exampleŸ         Wash your hands before touching booksŸ         There are different types of books - books for stories, books for knowledgeŸ         Draw their attention to both the writing and the pictures so that they learn that text has meaning and that illustrations can tell the story.Ÿ         Language - books only enhance language development as you talk about the pictures and the story.Ÿ         Always discuss the book after you have read it.  For babies tell them something you enjoyed, and for toddlers ask them about something that happened in the story.  This helps to develop memory as well as anticipation next time you read it together.Ÿ         For toddlers explain what an author and illustrator are and for each book tell them who has written the book and who has drawn the pictures. 

As a teacher and a mum, Antoinette shares her list of some of the books she loves to have in her classroom and her home.  Books for babies can spill over into toddlerhood, as they can easily learn the story and “read” it to you.  Some authors and series are particularly good for books for babies. 

The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle (Puffin Books) Peepo - Janet and Allan Ahlberg (Penguin Books)The Babies Catalogue - Janet and Allan Ahlberg (Penguin Books)Each Peach Pear

Nothing prepares us for the hard task of mothering quite in the same way that books do. We also know that there is an astounding amount of information out there for parents and parents to be. We take the parenting advice given to mums and dads very seriously. Some books support parents in the weighty task of parenting, others are excellent sources of advice and others just let us laugh. If we had a Baby Sense book club, these would be our top 10 manuals for mums. 

The Secret Life of the Unborn Child: A remarkable and controversial look at life before birth – Dr Thomas Verney with Joan Kelly, 2006 (Time Warner Books) I loved the way this book revealed my baby to me whilst I was pregnant. It is easy to read and covers the influence of Dads all the way through to what you can expect from your ‘little scientist’. 

What to expect when you’re expecting – A. Eisenberg, H. Murkoff & S. Hathaway, 1996 (Simon & Schuster)Although it has been around for a long time and has been criticized for being a bit alarmist and too all encompassing, I lived by this book when I was pregnant. I wanted to know everything from how big my baby was to why I got leg cramps and this book covered it all. 

Why Love Matters.  How Affection Shapes Your Baby’s Brain - Sue Gerhardt, 2004 (Brunner-Routledge)If you have any interest in your baby’s brain development and how your mothering impacts on your baby, this one is for you. It is easy to read and covers lots of topics such as how you can influence how your baby will respond to stress later.  

The Science Of Parenting -