Sisterhood of Motherhood
The Baby Sense blog

ANTOINETTE:

Hi Meg

I am so worried.  Daniel (1 year old) doesnt want to eat.  For the last 3 days he has hardly eaten a thing.  I offer him his food, he usually takes about 2 mouthfulls and spits them both out, and then turns his head and refuses the rest.  He seems to be hungry as he fusses loads before his meals as I prepare them, and looks like he cant wait to get his food, then he refuses it and seems to be fine.  He will happily eat some of the fruit I offer him, but most of it usually ends up on the floor.  Is this usual?  Do you think he could be unwell? Teething maybe - I blame every hiccup or winge on teething though - and still only 4 teeth.  Do I need to worry?

MEG:

Hi Nette

Toddlers and food - Yippee!! Toddlers can go off food at the drop of a hat and appear to exist on nothing but air. Usually appetites get the better of them and they start eating within a few days.

I think he is porbably coming down with something or about to teeth. But that doesn’t stop the worry. A few ideas:

• Give him what he likes (fruit or whatever)
• Don’t feed him yourself - give him a soft spoon, you use a soft spoon too and let him feed himself some finger food too at each mealtime
• Give him an appetite stimulant like Blackthorn berry elixir - the same thing we recommend in our Jungle Juice recipe
• Don’t let him snack before meals
• Limit juice so that he isn’t filling up on sugar
• Loose the bib for a few days
• Let him sit on your lap when you eat and pick off your plate
• Make a dip (veggie or humus or yogurt) and let him ‘dip’ nutritious foods like bread and carrots
• Scrambled egg and biltong are great fussy eater snacks

Above all DON’T FIGHT - you will loose!

 Hope that helps

Meg

ANTOINETTE:

I would like to wish my precious baby boy a happy 1st birthday today.  Daniel had a rough start to his life.  He had a battle on his hands from the moment he was born, but fought so hard and thankfully is here today to celebrate his first birthday.  We are so lucky, and thankful to have him in our lives.  As I wrapped his presents last night I thought about the past year and wondered what lessons I had learnt about motherhood.  I learnt:

• You never think you could love someone like this.  Your heart expands and just makes extra space.
• There is an invisible string that connects you and your children.  You feel them all the time, no matter where you are.
• Somehow you have an extra store of energy that allows you to get up countless times each night to feed, soothe or comfort your baby.
• When your baby is sick you will do anything to make him better
• When things get too tough, ask for help from those closest to you.
• Baby Brain is a fact.  You cant remember anything.
• All relationships are affected by the addition of a baby.
• You will never appreciate your own mother more than when you have children of your own.
• Motherhood really is a sisterhood.
• My belly will never be the same.
• My house will never be the same.
• One smile, giggle, coo can make your heart leap with joy.

So, now with my lessons learned and my little boy in tow I am off to bake his birthday cake.  Daniel will help (mess!!) and I will continue to feel extra specially happy today that we are able to celebrate his first birthday.  Today came very close to being a difficult and sad day, but instead it is a day of joy and celebration.

ANTOINETTE: 

Hi Meg 

We have had 2 new additions to our family.  Squirt and Leo our 2 little kittens.  Tom could not contain his excitement and Dan keeps saying “catty”.  It has been so wonderful to see Toms enthusiasm for looking after these 2 little kittens and Dan is learning to be gentle and not grab them.  We are all loving our new pets, but Tom (3) seems to be having an allergic reaction to them.  He keeps getting spots and red patches on his face.  They come and go, but I am pretty convinced it’s the cats.  Should I be concerned about this, or will it stop as he is more exposed to the Cats?  Any advice would be useful.

ANTOINETTE:

Hi Meg

Chatting with friends this weekend we discovered that we have similar issues to deal with with our toddlers (Both 3).  Grant sometimes finds Thomas difficult to manage.  When looking after Tom on his own Tom seems to become a bit of a handful and can really act out.  When I am with him, generally he is well behaved.  We have our moments, but we have reached an understanding with each other.  I set the limits, he tests them, but I am consistent in how I manage him.  Grant either gives in, or digs in, so Tom doesnt really know where he stands. He sometimes gets away with stuff, and sometimes not.  Our friends have a similar situation with their 3 year old girl.  She can be well behaved with 1 parent and a nightmare with the other.  Do you find this happens in your house at all?

With my teaching background I find that in dealing with children being consistent is the key.  They need to know where they stand, they need to know what boundaries they can’t push and which ones they can.  Be consistent.  If you have said no today, don’t say yes tomorrow.  Always give a reason though for why you have chosen a certain stance.  Toddlers can be a handful, but they work us out so quickly and they know which is the softer parent.  As parents you need to consult with each other on the really big issues and make sure you are both saying the same thing.  The other most important thing in managing children of all ages is to keep them busy, and to provide activities that can result in creativity.  Boredom can result in mischief, but given the right tools and opportunity for creativity it can turn into something lovely.  I have a box of blocks out for Tom.  He often takes himself off to build and he is starting to have real thought into what he is creating.  Its great to see his little mind create something.

I got this letter today and I connected with it in a big way as I also had a tough time when I gave up breastfeeding.

“Hi my name is Sarah and I have stopped breastfeeding… Everybody told me that being a parent is linked to feeling utterly guilty about everything.  This is one of the things that I feel the most guilty about.  It happened naturally.  My milk just got less by the day and it became a struggle for her to drink enough and gain sufficient weight.  I tried everything from jungle juice, brewers yeast, lots of water and expressing milk after every feed.  Feeding time was not fun or special anymore.  So we moved on to formula milk.  The worst part is that the formula containers have warning signs printed on them just like cigarette packs.  Could formula feeding be just as bad as smoking? Rebecca is now picking up weight and I do not have to worry about everything I am eating.  My best friend visited us this weekend and we could drink wine, eat chocolate cake and have a cup of real caffeinated coffee in the morning.  The funny thing is that these where important things to me, but my heart still longs for that feeling of holding your baby close to your skin in the middle of the night and listening to her sucking sounds while holding her little hand. 

I have to accept that she is growing up and we need to adjust as her needs change.  Formula feeding is what is needed currently to help her grow and be the happy baby that she is.”

ANTOINETTE:

Hi Meg. 

I too can relate to this letter.  Giving up breastfeeding for any mum is a hard decision to make.  We are bombarded with information during pregnancy and the early days with our babies.  We all know that breastfeeding is best for our babies, but we dont know until we try if it is going to work out for us.  I have had so many friends who have battled with breastfeeding, one to the point where her baby was drinking her blood as her nipples were so sore and the baby could not latch properly.  We need to realise that it is not always best for mom or baby to keep going, and if it does not happen, then not to beat ourselves up about it. 

My personal experience was amazing.  Breatsfeeding came easily to me and my babies, but I chose to stop at 6 months.  I too felt very guilty about stopping, but it was a personal choise that I made.  I felt that as it came so easily for me perhaps I should just carry on.  In Daniel’s case, as in the letter, he could not put sufficient weight on during the time he breastfed.  Once on formula and on some solids his weight shot up.  I felt very emotional on my last breastfeed as I knew that Daniel was probably my last baby.  I do miss the closeness and being forced to slow down, that time spent with your baby is so special.

ANTOINETTE:

Daniel is almost a year now and he is still waking up during the night.  All through this year, with him having been quite an ill baby I have tolerated this.  Some days I don’t know how I make it through the day, especially after being up at least 3 times in the night.  I have always know that with sick or refluxy babies you sometimes need to throw out the rule books as they need to be treated and handled differently.  Daniel has had a good summer and his constant coughs and chest infections have cleared up.  However the sleep disruption has not and he continues to wake between 2 and 6 times a night.  I want to try to get his sleep sorted out now, while he is well, before winter comes around here (UK), before the colds and flu start again.  Last week I got out my Sleep Sense book and had a look at the sleep training tips you suggest in the book.  I love the fact that the sleep training you recommend is very gentle and flexible, without making me feel guilty about what I am doing.  I cannot leave Daniel to cry, and staying with him is the way to go for me.  In less than a week I have broken the rock him to sleep habit and he is soothing himself to sleep with a dummy and his bedtime buddies.  I am in the room, but I am now almost out of the door.  I am pretty much there to lie him down again if he stands up, to sh sh sh him if he need it, or to put my hands on him if he is unsettled.  This has made a huge difference to his bedtime for us.  It was taking up to 1 1/2 hours to get him down, now it is generally 15-20 minutes.  Also, he is sleeping better at night.  Some nights he has even made it through to 4 or 5 am before waking.  I am so pleased and am hoping that he will make this a more regular occurance.  Thanks Megan and Ann for the easy to use and flexible advice on sleep training.

MEG:

Nette that is wonderful news - nothing worse than waking up all night with a fretful baby. It makes it hard to cope the next day. I recall a time when James was waking 14 (yes 14) times a night. I did the gentle approach and broke the habit in 3 days. I felt like a new person and there was very little trauma for either of us. I am glad it worked for you too!

MEG: Reflux is such a hassle. I have recently had a flood of questions about reflux and last weekend I was at my sister’s wedding and her sister in law and I got chatting about reflux. What is it about these babies? They seem to be so much more difficult to settle for so much longer. Their sleep is disrupted for longer than other babies and in general they are so much more emotionally labile. Now you know know Emily my third was a reflux baby and really could have been a serious challenge. Of my three kids she was the one who took the longest to sleep through and to this day her moods can swing. She is senstive and can be irritable. So the question in my mind is - what comes first - the chicken or the egg?

Scenario 1- These babies are simply more sensitive on a sensory level than other babies. They notice pain quicker and become overstimulated at the drop of the hat. Since they become overstimulated, they get hiccups and regurgitate more easily. Regurgitation that would not irritate another baby becomes a major thing for these babies because they have a lower threshold for pain and discomfort. So they over react to relfux and sleep becomes a mission for them. The fact that their moods swing is because they are sensitve and easily over whelmed.

Scenrio 2 - Reflux is the primary issue. They have a weak valaue at the toip of their tummy and the regurgitated milk curds burn their oesophagus. This is painful and they live in a constant condition of pain and irritation. This concistent pain in the early days wires their brain to be sensitive and irritable.

I don’t have the reasons why, but I know what we see. Reflux is a difficult thing. It is over diagnosed and not many babies have true reflux, but for those who do, the road is long and not that easy.

So to all those moms - hang in there. You are part of a sisterhood who have been there.

ANTOINETTE:

Hi Meg

Reflux is often the topic of questions sent into Baby Sense.  Here are a few of the questions we recently recieved and the advice that you and Ann have given.  Perhaps anyone with a refluxy baby would be interested.

http://www.mybabysense.co.uk/happy-days/q-and-as/problem-with-reflux

http://www.mybabysense.co.uk/happy-days/q-and-as/reflux-causing-sleep-problems-in-12-week-old 

http://www.mybabysense.co.uk/peaceful-nights/q-and-as/how-will-reflux-affect-his-sleep-habits-later-on

ANTOINETTE:

Meg this is driving me nuts.  Daniel (10 months) is being so difficult to put down for a sleep.  I try to put him down to sleep in his cot as much as possible.  But each time it can take up to an hour and a half.  He likes to stand up in his cot and will not stay lying down to fall asleep.  I soothe him until he is drowsy and then always try to leave them room before he falls asleep.  Within seconds he is up and wide awake again and I have to start the soothing process again.  I get so frustrated with this that I usually end up rocking him until he is just about asleep before putting him back in his cot.  This too has its many attempts as he wakes and stands as soon as I get him in the cot.  Even in the middle of the night, if he stirs or wakes, by the time I get to him, he is standing up and wide awake.  What can I do?  It is driving me crazy.

MEG: Hi Nette, from 10 months sleep changes - babies start doing things around sleep time, just because they can! So Dan is a standing up, just because he can. Sleeping bags are great for this because it is very much harder to stand up when you are in a  sleeping bag than not. The other thing is that you can just walk away so that the standing up doesn’t stress you. For instance - you are doing the right thing by rocking him until he is drowsy, then put him down and walk out. Go and make a cup of tea. You then won’t notice if he is standing. If he starts to cry, wait 2 min and listen. Then go in and lie him down. Be consistent and after a few days he will decide its not worth the hassle and lie down himself.

Hi,

I just wanted to tell you about our missing “Taglets”

Background

We have three “lappies” (Taglets).  You know, just in case one is dirty or
lost or something equally as horrifying!  Except I have worked out there are
three and I need them all at once.

Anyway, I received a frantic, hysterical call from my childs nanny the other
day because all three lappies are missing!  She has been looking for them
for over an hour and my little “angel” has been following her around in
tears.  She refuses to stop crying and also won’t sleep without her lappie.

In desperation, Gladys phones me to ask me to please buy a new lappie on the
way home because otherwise who knows what will happen.  While trying to
explain to me all about the problem the same little “angel” produces a shape
sorter toy and proudly presents the lappies squashed inside!  Alls well that
ends well and at least I didn’t have to buy a fourth one.

Please can you tell me at what age would it be reasonable to expect my
daughter to give up her taglets?  She will be 2 at the end of September and
people are telling me to take them away.  She is so attached to them and
they are not causing any problems except to go missing now and then.  What
do you advise?

Regards,
Michele

My baby is growing up - she has lost her last doodoo blanky. It happened last week when we were away in the Kalagadi dessert. It was a wonderful holiday - camping and really being in the wilderness and we religiously kept an eye on the beloved blanky. But on the last day of packing up, the  pink (brownish with dirt) and very smelly object found legs and disappeared. Em was devastated - she cried and nothing would take the place of her security object, so we wove a little yarn of “The baby Ground Squirrels took it because they needed it”. She bought the story and still mentioned her ‘doodoo’ now and then but on the whole she is okay. My baby is growing up. This is one of those small things that one day is there and the next is gone. You wish away so many small things in the early days - like sleepless nights and worry over milk supply and then before you know it your baby has grown up. Well thats where we are.