Breastfeeding didn’t come naturally
Here is my breastfeeding story:
A week before James (my firstborn who is now a lanky 11 year old) was born I went to see June Henshill – any of you Cape Town mums remember her? She was a ‘guru’ of the Gina Ford ilk. She sat me down and said –that I must not feed all day but must limit my baby. She told me to feed for 3 minutes a side every four hours the first day and four minutes a side four hourly the second day. No surprises, my milk did not come in and on day four I found myself fighting with nurses at the hospital. They would not discharge me because I was refusing to bottle feed my baby and he was hungry. Of course he was – I was doing the most insane thing!
James gained weight, all be it slowly. So the next brainless thing June told me we had to do was to have a test weigh. She weighed him before the feed, I fed in front of her with tears pouring down my cheeks as I anticipated the failure I would be when he weighed in. Of course it was a ridiculous gain (now I know the test itself is ridiculous). I cried as she told me James had to have formula bottles or I have to go onto Eglynol to increase my milk supply.
I refused both and James and I limped on with him gaining 100g a week and me feeling like a failure. But you know what? - We survived. I got it right, became more flexible and never went back to June Henshill.
Looking back there were so many mistakes but they were amazing lessons for my journey. I am writing Feeding Sense right now, with a wonderful dietician and paediatrician and I hope the breastfeeding advice will be more constructive than the advice I got first time round.
Have any of you got wildly irresponsible advice? Who else has battled? Am I the only one?
Thank you for this wonderful article! I also received the most confusing and conflicting advice. I felt like a complete failure because breastfeeding was suppose to “natural”. I had cracked and bleeding nipples and it was the hardest thing not being able to feed my daughter properly. It was when I stopped listening to people and trusted my own instincts that breastfeeding became the most wonderful experience. I decided to demand feed my baby and I put the guilty feelings aside. I am very blessed and proud to say that I breastfed my baby until she was 18 months. At times it was hard because I think South Africa as community is very conservative about breastfeeding. In other words it was hard to breastfeed in public. I was lucky to have a supportive husband who told me not to give a damn about what people said because I was doing the best thing for my child.
I think the most important thing I learnt about breastfeeding is that every mother and child is different. So if breastfeeding is not for you, then that should be okay and if you want to do extended breastfeeding that should also be respected.
Good luck with your book and I am sure it will be helpful to all the expecting mothers out there!
I am so glad it was not just ME!! Had such a hard time - just was not a Jersey Cow (as my gyne told me)had to be put onto Eglynol and still had to supplement. My precious child landed back in ICU with Jaundice and dropped 10 % body weight (I felt like such a failure). Eventually left hospital after great coaching from staff there, but still supplementing 90% of the feeds.I continued trying my best for 3 1/2 months and eventualy my little one got tired of struggling with me and just refused me. (so I began killing myself by expressing)A nursing sister told me to keep going - thru my tears of exhaustion and feelings of failure- cos every bit of milk counts. Eventually I gave up and was totally relieved from all the pressure of breastfeeding. I wish the nurses would have just told me not to put SO much pressure on myself and then I would have had more time and energy to enjoy my little one more. I realise breastmilk is amazing and, if I am blessed enough to have another child, I will try again - but I will NOT KILL myself trying. My husband celebrated when I gave up and that when I realised how much strain I was putting on myself and our marriage. To all the mommies out there, I always just tell them - try -its wonderful if you can but if you cant…. God designed formula for a reason.
Good luck with the book.
Mel
Hi Meg
Reading your story brought back so much memories! Breastfeeding was fine but my baby still did not pick up weight as much as was “required”. I then had to supplement with formula which just made me feel awful. It led to weeks of me feeling miserable and that I was a failure.
Looking back, I’ve learnt so much and I know I did the best I could - especially as a new mom!
I look forward to reading Feeding Sense for my second time round.
Hi Meg,
I have been lucky enough to have had no problems with breastfeeding or milk supply - must be some Jersey cow genes lurking in the branches of my family tree! My baby boy latched on with no argument 45 mins after he was delivered and has fed well ever since, gaining around 250gr a week.
That said, I found the ‘advice’ I was given at antenatal classes and in hospital was useless to me and I discarded most of it almost immediately. For example, the midwife in our antenatal class demonstrated the latching position we were supposed to use - holding baby horizontally against our bodies, latched onto one breast and tucked against the other. This didn’t work for a few reasons: my breast kept covering my baby’s nose; the position was uncomfortable for both of us; my little chap was bringing up half his feed every feed (how much would you keep down drinking juice whilst lying on your side?)and all this led to sore nipples and an irritable mom! I now cradle him with his bum in my lap and it works beautifully for both of us.
Also, I was told to feed him for 10 minutes on each breast every three hours for the first week and then increase by 5 minutes per breast during the second week and another 5 minutes per breast from the third week onwards. The trouble with this is that he was never on a breast for long enough to empty it so I was engorged and he was only getting the watery foremilk meaning he was hungry again long before the 3 hour mark. I now let him empty a breast before switching to the other and he happily goes for four hours between feeds during the day and has been sleeping through the night regularly since 6 weeks :)
The advice that was worth taking was to eat well and drink lots of water, to rest often, be relaxed about the process and to feed often - during growth spurts he sometimes wanted feeding every 2 hours which sated his hunger and got my body producing extra milk for his needs. Breastfeeding is a natural process, and I think moms just need to be natural about it, advice can be a good thing but it can also cause needless anxiety if you’re trying to force yourself and your little one into something that doesn’t work for either of you.
I was a 32DD in high school and as a dancer and swimmer, I was very self conscious about the size of my breasts. A few years after school I saved up enough money for a reduction. All went well and I was told that I would still be able to breast feed someday should I so wish. At the time I was just so excited that I was going to wear spaghetti strap tops that I wasn’t thinking that far ahead. Well, when I fell pregnant with my first baby in 2009 I started wondering if I would in actual fact be able to breast feed successfully. Initially I didn’t doubt it but as my pregnancy progressed and I had about a month to go I started to panic. I started researching the internet, contacting the plastic surgeon who had done my reduction and contacted a wonderful breast feeding consultant. I had been told that after so many years (it was 10 years since my reduction) that the ducts should have reconnected themselves and that I should be able to feed my baby naturally. The day our son was born, Ruth the breast feeding consultant came to the hospital. There was a little colostrum - which made us all very excited. However, by day 3 she agreed with the hospital staff that we should supplement his feeds. It was the start of a very trying time for us but I remained positive and adamant that I would make a success of it. I honestly believed that things would come right. We tried the supplemental feeding system and I tried my best to express. I was on Eglynol, Brewers Yeast, Fennel Tea, Fenugreek, Jungle Juice etc. We did test weighs at the clinic which brought me to tears. I was absolutely distressed that I had done something in the past which meant that I now couldn’t give my son the best possible start. I mean, EVERYWHERE you read, one is made to feel that you really should breastfeed, that formula is OK but that breastfeeding is the best. I felt like a complete failure. I remember sitting at the paed for his 6-week check up and hid his bottle from the other moms. I didn’t want them to know I wasn’t breast feeding. The first thing you can give your child, and I couldn’t! We chose a special HA formula as recommended by our paed and slowly came to terms with our fate. He is 6.5 months now and he’s the happiest, bounciest, solid little fella around. Together with a sachet of baby probiotics daily and some flaxseed oil, his skin (I have allergies) and health have been tops. I still have a tinge of guilt deep down, but I don’t feel that he’s been given the short end of anything. I still feel I need to give an explanation each time I am asked if he has been breast fed and hopefully that is something I can work on too.
Hi Meg
It amazes me that there is still so much bad advice out there. We seek so much information that we forget to listen to our instincts.
I was one of the lucky ones. Breastfeeding went so well for me. Not only did Thomas feed and sleep well, but it all came so naturally. Daniel was born extremely ill and was not interested in feeding from me before he went into intensive care for 3 weeks. For 2 weeks I was unable to feed him as he was medically paralised. I remember clearly on the night he was born a nurse helping me to express colostrum by hand. In total over 3 days I got a tiny 7ml’s out and I was terrified that my milk would dry up due to the stress and him not feeding from me.
With the help of amazing nurses and doctors who encouraged me I was expressing and filling freezer draws with milk within a few days. The moment Daniel was given those 7ml’s I first expressed will stay with me for the rest of my life. Eventhough it was down a tube it was better than nothing.
I remember feeding Daniel for the first time, tubes, wires and beeping machines attached, but a moment impressed on me for the rest of my life. It would have been easier to just give up, but I persevered and was amazed that it happend again.
Even though I was lucky and was able to feed easily, there are those tough times where boobs are sore, or nipples are sore, or it just takes too long, or you are just too tired. I clearly remember sitting and feeding while my tears fell onto my baby. It is hard to do and it is a sacrifice, but at the same time such a reward to know how special that time is.
I also had a guilt-ridden pressurised breastfeeding experience and managed to persevere for 4 months in total, that included small evening top-ups beginning at 6 weeks and ending with 70% top-ups by 4 months.
Looking back, I realise I could’ve done a few things differently and hope that I can do apply these new tactics to the next baba that we hope comes along.
- I stuck to the 3 hour feeding schedule rigidly from birth, which I now realise does not have to be… why not feed every 2 hours for the first month to get the milk flowing plentifully, if it seems you are not producing like a jersey cow?
- I did not rest at all. I am a busy person and a do-er… always want to have things done NOW. So, I kept myself physically busy re-arranging my house with the new baby’s presence and goodies… constantly at my PC reading up on baby things…. I am sure my body would’ve produced more milk if I have rested it.
- Also, (without wanting to attract attack) I battle to accept the concept that some woman just can’t breastfeed (even though it was a challenge for me and my son) as I always think of the “cave days” - what would they have done if they couldnt breastfeed? Surely every mother of a newborn (be it an animal or human) should be equipped by nature to breastfeed, is what kept going through my mind. Is it because there is the formula option, that we give in too soon?
- I was advised by my mother-in-law to feed my son porridge at 3 weeks!!!! the kind of advice and pressure I got was what certainly took me down the wrong road… as being a new mum, worried about my skinny baby putting on only 100 gms a week, one tends to start taking anyone’s advice which was wrong! I should’ve found a lactation consultant and only followed her advice.
Who knows what may happen with our next… maybe I’ll battle even more… but I hope I can, with the help of the new book, beat the challenges and make it a natural experience.
Dearest Meg!
I am a new mommy. My little lad named Nathan was put to breast about an hour after he was born naturally. After a good latch and several stiches later I thought breast feeding would be a breeze.
The hosiptal staff were amazing however gave me contactictory advice to what the paed had given me.
I have been through cracked and bleeding nipples twice.
My ante natal instructor is wonderful and has supported me in times when i wanted to give up breastfeeding.
The worst advice I received was from my mother-in-law!
I am also well read in terms of books! AND in all honesty I think some are so strict they take the element of bonding moments with your bundle of joy. The one book I have read, in my opinion, puts the mother first ensuring a routine to accomodate life.
But the best advice is to take a moment back, listen to your baby (or read his mind - or little facial expressions) and do what is best for you and baby, knowing you are the best mom for him or her! Life is going to stop, washing is not going to be done and you will be tired!
But love every moment of it as this too shall pass!
My boy is two years old in Aug. My breastfeeding experience wasn’t what my partner and I expected at all! When Connor was born he latched fine but afterwards we really struggled. While still in hosp we had a wonderful breastfeeding lady, Ruth Katzmann come and help with different feeding positions. Unfortunately I still struggled. Initially dad had high expectations regarding breastfeeding but when we were home he realised that it’s not as easy as the books and programmes make it look. When we went home on day five my milk came in and my boobs became rock hard and this poor little baba couldn’t get anything out! I spent the rest of the day and night trying to express (by hand!) and get him to latch. I’ve never felt so low before. Eventually at 3am we packed him in the car and went to fetch a breast pump from a fantastic friend. I expressed and the feeling of relief was so great that we just gave him the bottle so he could feed. In hindsight I should have just taken the worst off and then latched him, but I was so freaked out. Can you imagine, he wasn’t even crying anymore. And so began ten months of expressing every three hours, day and night. I went on to Eglynol to boost my supply and not once tried to latch him again. Luckily I was at home with him for seven months but even when I came back to work I carried on expressing three times a day. I stopped in April last year and he went on to formula and he’s doing great. I’ve learnt so much from him and this experience but wish that help was more accessible when we needed it. Thanks for time and good luck with your book!
Dear Meg
I’m always so surprised that the Gina Ford formal mechanical view on breasfeeding (and sleeping - my other bugbear!) is ever followed let alone dispensed. They’re babies not robots! I had twins over seven years ago and was lucky enough to have come across Brenda Pierce (a Jo’burg lactation consultant)in addition to having decided to breastfeed before my daughters were born. I initially had engorgement problems abd felt that I’d been attached by Kreepy Krawleys (the suction power was so strong and so totally unexpected!)so was very uncomfortable to begin with, but settled into a year of happily feeding both on demand and usually at the same time. There are two tricks I found worked for me. One - don’t worry about how much or how often - that’s something the baby will decide. It’s too easy to obsess about quantities and weight gain. No baby will starve itself! Two - don’t supplement, it WILL derease your supply. It may also make your baby “lazy” - remember getting milk out of a bottle is easier than having to get it the natural way - and then baby may refuse to take the breast alltogether.
As for the rest try to “go with the flow” and talk to other women who breast feed (they have breasts - a teeny advantage over some of the male paeds!) - some of the tips may not work for you but some are really practical.
Hi Ilse.
You are so right. Go with the flow and get support from other breastfeeding moms.
Thanks for your helpful tips from a mummy who has been there.